Ouch! My the Fact I Lost My Innocence!

Joseph 8:57 pm
    Haha.
    But seriously.
    I was molested last night after you left.
Katie 8:57 pm
    ...

    by whom?

    the homeless woman?
Joseph 8:58 pm
    Not this time around.
    You remember the douchebags on the third floor?
Katie 8:58 pm
    yes
Joseph 8:58 pm
    Well they were getting crazy and they had people coming in and out for a while.
    Around 1:30 I was in bed and I heard the buzzer. Taylor called my name.
Joseph 8:59 pm
    She was like, "These douches outside say they were locked out."
    T_T
    I go out to see who it is and I open the door.
    These two guys come in stumbling.
    The one grabs me in a bear hug face to face and starts humping me against the wall yelling, "YOU A BIIIIG MUTHAFUCKAAAAAA!!!!!"
    I stood there like, "T_T....Get the fuck off of me."
Katie 9:00 pm
    hahaha woooooow
Joseph 9:01 pm
    The other guy went upstairs and the humpydude followed but started talking to Taylor.
    I was like, "GOOD NIGHT."
Joseph 9:01 pm
    And slammed our apartment door in his face.
    </rape>
Katie 9:01 pm
    hahaha well thats awesome
Joseph 9:02 pm
    I was super pissed.
Katie 9:02 pm
    I don't doubt it!
Joseph 9:03 pm
    I was tired, and I was trying to play this sweet Shawn the Sheep game and we get a douche delivery overnight shipping.
Joseph 9:04 pm
    The worst part is that I think he had a boner...

Wishbone

Joseph 8:54 pm
    A squirrel barked at me today...
Katie 8:54 pm
    I feel like you are probably hallucinating
Joseph 8:55 pm
    It was real life.
    Seriously.
    Well, listen to this monstranity.
Katie 8:56 pm
    Must I?
Joseph 8:56 pm
    T_T
Katie 8:56 pm
    Fine. Continue
Joseph 8:57 pm
    I woke up this morning feeling incredasick.
Joseph 8:57 pm
    Yes I just said incredasick.
    The combination of incredibly and sick.
Katie 8:58 pm
    I still don't see how this justifies a barking squirrel
Joseph 8:58 pm
    DOES YOUR INCREDULOCITY KNOW NO BOUNDS?!
    And yes, I'm making up words today.
    >_>
    Letcho boy finish.
    I got up on the wrong side of the bed, so that's a pretty good indicator that the shit's gonna hit the fan.
    But I just brushed it off.
Joseph 9:00 pm
    Went to Mosaic.
    Feeling nauseous.
    Have you tried giving yourself a anit-vomit peptalk?
Katie 9:00 pm
    **facepalm*
Joseph 9:00 pm
    No one is there to cheer back at you and it just makes you feel worse.
    By the time orgo lab rolled around at 12:30, I felt like I was dying.
    I finished the prelab quiz in 2 minutes, ran to the bathroom and threw up.
    It was THE WORST.
    Glasses almost fell in the toilet.
Katie 9:05 pm
    Aww I'm so sorry! I hope you skipped the rest of your classes.
Joseph 9:05 pm
    Well luckily lab was the last thing.
Katie 9:06 pm
    Oh well thats good
Joseph 9:06 pm
    I went back and I felt better for
    like
    2 seconds.
    Then I had to sit on the floor.
    My lab partner was like, "Whaaaat is wrong with you."
Katie 9:06 pm
    The floor? Why the floor? I would have been pretty concerned too
Joseph 9:06 pm
    I was like, "Et tu, Brute?! @_@"
    Because labs don't have chairs!
    So I bounced out of there pretty fast.
    I don't know how I made it down the stairs because everything started to look distorted.
    And when I went outside I heard this noise.
Katie 9:07 pm
    Well, you live in the city, so that's not that strange
Joseph 9:07 pm
    It was a barking squirrel.
    It was barking at me.
    And then it started chirping like a bird.
    I was scared.
    It took me 40 minutes to walk home.
    And I witnessed a traffic accident along the way.
Katie 9:09 pm
    I feel like you are making this up and if you aren't then it probably wasn't safe for you to be roaming the streets by yourself
Joseph 9:09 pm
    Look it up.
    Squirrels bark.
    Taylor didn't believe me then I force fed her words back down her throat.
    And I just needed to get home.
Joseph 9:10 pm
    I brought a blanket, pillow and laptop into the bathroom and camped out there for a while.
    Fever.
    Vom vom vom.
    Vom nom nom.
    Too soon.
Katie 9:10 pm
    thats nasty, but I hope you're feeling better
Joseph 9:12 pm
    And you want to know what was the worse part?
Katie 9:12 pm
    do tell
Joseph 9:12 pm
    My mosaic professor didn't know who Wishbone was.
Katie 9:12 pm
    the dog?!
Joseph 9:13 pm
    The freaking dog.
    The best dog of my childhood.
Katie 9:13 pm
    blasphemy!
Joseph 9:13 pm
    Agreed.

The Creation of WWCHNT

Joseph 8:53 pm
    I finally got my headphones.
Katie 8:53 pm
    ooo yay
Joseph 8:54 pm
    I didn't tell you but I checked online for the shipping status around 3:30 and it said they tried to deliver it at 3:10
    I had been home since 12.
    No one knocked or buzzed.
    They didn't leave an info notice.
    Fuck them.
Katie 8:54 pm
    hahahaha

    those liars!
Joseph 8:54 pm
    So I drove down to the UPS center and the place is PACKED.
Joseph 8:55 pm
    I was angry at that point and I was like, FUCK THAT SHIT.
    So I went to the front of the line and was like, "Give me my damn package, you damn, dirty apes."
Katie 8:55 pm
    hahahahahahaha

    i love this story and its not even over
Joseph 8:56 pm
    The only thing that made everything better was the fact that everyone waiting in line was playing Wheel of Fortune together.
    We were all screaming "BAKED BANANA BREAD" at the TV.
Katie 8:56 pm
    hahahahahaha

    you need a fucking blog

    please
Joseph 8:56 pm
    I am now heavily considering it.